During the minutes where I can’t seem to grasp what has happened or where to go from here, I am constantly hearing the phrases, “You are crushed, but not destroyed”….”You are NOT defeated”. It’s at these moments that I really think about living as if I’m defeated versus living as if I’m NOT defeated.

Andrew was such a strong believer of spiritual warfare. He has experienced real, spiritual situations (battles) and even felt called by God to write a book on it. While in Afghanistan he had even started an outline of his book.

I think about whom I would be defeated by if I gave up or let myself turn to worldly temptations or negative ways to handle the hurt of a killed spouse. Satan…the devil himself is waiting on the other side of those decisions. He wants to destroy me. He wants to defeat me. He wants to win this battle. This battle isn’t between just him and I though; it’s between good and evil. He is attacking all of us. Sometimes he uses special ops techniques and sometimes he decides to use a bomb…like killing an amazing father and husband that fears the Lord…who would spit in Satan’s face if he had the chance!

You see, I believe Satan thinks that now he’s taken away my partner, my one who kept us cleaving to each other as we cleaved to God, that he’s got me and that he’ll get our family and I bet that he’s thinking he’s got it in the bag that he’ll get this unborn baby. He won’t! He never will! He can’t destroy us. He can’t destroy those who love God and confess Jesus Christ as our Savior. He can even lead us to evil forces that may kill us, like they did Andrew, but Andrew is alive in Christ. He’s defeated Satan and I’m proud of him. Andrew is my hero.

Andrew isn’t my hero because the Taliban killed him while he was coming back from a mission on a Stryker. Andrew is my hero because he never let Satan have the last word. Andrew is my hero because He fought for good, for Christ to prevail. He set a marvelous example for our child to follow, for me to follow, and for friends and family to follow. Andrew is my hero because he wasn’t perfect, because he had sin, and in spite of it he still persevered and called on the name of the Lord.

I find comfort in all of this when I too call on God. Many times reading the book God has prepared for us, the Bible, is where I find solid advice and encouragement. My creator has provided me with so many stories to turn to and letters to live by, and proverbs to unfold. Here are a few that have come up recently that pertain to not being defeated:

“for the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.” –Proverbs 24:16

“Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be light to me.”
– Micah 7:8

I also find comfort in 2 Corinthians 4, where the reference of being ‘struck down, but not destroyed’ comes from. This is also the part of the Bible where Paul says:

“Therefore do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. “ -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Paul, on behalf of God, is begging for the Corinthians (and us) to not lose heart. I believe the Taliban have lost heart and have turned to cowardly warfare during their light and momentary affliction. We shall overcome Satan, as Jesus did, by turning to what is eternal. All that I know to be eternal is Jesus, who lived after he died. Andrew will also live to be eternal and one day I will join him. I pray that one day our child join us as well.

May Satan never defeat you and may you overcome through Jesus Christ!

With Love,

Sarah Marie McConnell